19 Aug Getting In Your Own Way?
“Then as we age, we get a little more resistant to putting our ideas out there for fear of ridicule or whatever other social consequence may appear around the corner.”
Jumping into something deeply desired can be challenging, but it sure as hell shouldn’t be, right? We can deliberate and make excuses for months and years, remaining indecisive and avoidant while the sands of time march on and leave us in limbo, neither pursuing what we want or choosing to concentrate our mental energies elsewhere.
It’s as if sometimes we are waiting for permission to go ahead with what we really want to do! This is the null zone, where no permission is granted to ourselves, by ourselves, to move forward and reach for our dreams. Does this sound like something you have ever wrestled with?
Have you ever found it hard to give yourself absolute permission to pursue something without fear of failing? We do it really easily as children when we play with friends; we make up all sorts of stuff with our imaginations and allow ourselves the creativity and ability to ‘fail’, whatever that means at a young age. Then as we age, we get a little more resistant to putting our ideas out there for fear of ridicule or whatever other social consequence may appear around the corner. Maybe we feel that we will not be accepted or our idea won’t be met favourably by someone we desire favourable attention from?
“Do you want to live your life on your terms or your parents, teachers, university professors, neighbours or some distant relative’s terms?”
So, why do we do this? What have we got to lose? Maybe some of us will construct elaborate reasons for not permitting ourselves the liberty to further our goals and step outside our comfort zones. What have we got to lose and what do we fear? Or, viewed in another way, what have we got to gain by going for it? I think this is the more important question that we should be asking ourselves. Because let’s face it, who are we living for? Do you want to live your life on your terms or your parents, teachers, university professors, neighbours or some distant relative’s terms? I would encourage you to get any reasons and resistances to moving towards your goals down on paper and design some conversations where you can make these resistances go away.
I want to enable you to give yourself permission to do whatever it is your heart desires based on a deep reflection of what that longing in your heart is fuelling. The nightmare is that people will end up teasing themselves about an idea and staying stuck in the null zone of inaction and this fuels regret and depression of all kinds which is what we want to avoid, right? Perfection is a concept that steals energy and a willingness to put ourselves out there in some cases. Fretting over something minor and criticising efforts because it doesn’t cut the mustard, is a major way many of us get in our own way and block our progress.
What sort of things can you do to free yourself to start doing today? What permission can you give yourself today that will put you on the road to doing something you really want to do? Maybe you want to be an airline pilot or a formula 1 driver? Maybe you have accepted a story that disallows you from doing those things. I am here today to help you throw that idea out of your head and start believing that it can and will happen if you focus on it to make it happen.
Give Yourself Permission Now
How do I throw the bad ideas out?
- The first step is becoming aware that you have a blockage to progress. You should allow yourself some time to contemplate what exactly it is that you have in your way which prevents progress.
- If you have not got a journaling practice, this is one of the main reasons to start one today. Write everything down about the goal and the people who matter to you and what they might say or think of you if you pursue this goal. Do not censor your writing. Maybe you are hedging your bets and not willing to fully commit to something yet? Write it all down!
- When you have really gotten to the depths of what is holding you back start practising conversations with the people you feel are connected to your progress on this issue. When you decide what you need to say to the people in your life that you are concerned about, ask them for coffee and discuss the issue. Take as long as you need to feel heard by this person and let them know why this is important to you. You might be surprised at the support you will get and this may be just what you need to move forward.
- If after this you are still resistant to moving forward on your goal, I suggest getting in touch with a coach to work out a structured action plan which might be what you need to move it forward with some outside accountability from a third party.
Giving yourself permission and moving towards what it is you want is a valuable skill that leaders have. They do not wait for permission to move forward with what they want, they take the bull by the horns and make things happen by making the important decisions that matter.
Good luck permitting yourself to thrive in life!
Email me your challenges at firstname.lastname@example.org and I will reply to you with some tips on how to get out of your own way.