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Who Cares What They Say!

Thanks For Your Unsolicited Judgement Mate!

‘Rob, you are a bit of an idiot!’, said the random comment on a video I recorded and placed somewhere on the internet. Interestingly, I find their judgements hilarious. Especially unsolicited ones from strangers.

That’s when it hit me. That’s exactly when I clearly understood the difference. The difference between what other people think about me and what I think about myself. I have always urged my program graduates to be the authors of their own identities and let their opinions be the only judgement that matters. Many people fear not being liked by others. Such judgements can take the wind out of people’s sails for a day or two or even longer in some cases.

We get a sense of ourselves initially in the social hierarchy and as children, we can be very sensitive to judgement or criticisms and unfortunately take on psychological wounds when judgements come from our peers. 


It’s True For Some But Not Everyone!

Some of us are more resilient than others and will come back sooner and overcome that adversity but some of us take these attacks worse and the pain can be intense and can leave some withdrawing altogether out of fear of attack. 

Some young people will choose to be very selective about the people they hang out with. Many fear mockery or attack. This pattern can create a sense of deep loneliness.

The wounds we create in our early life can cause damage depending on the meaning we give to the story we tell ourselves. For some, their meaning-making abilities are highly developed and can attach despairing meanings to their experiences, leading to doubts about all aspects of life. In some extreme cases, this can lead to desperation and even suicide.


How Does One Become Less Fearful of Others’ Judgement?

How to care less about what other people think about us?

The biggest key here is what we are thinking about ourselves. The reason that comments from others can hurt us is that we have not achieved certainty for ourselves or done enough work within ourselves to be the primary narrator about what can legitimately be considered as true or real for us. 

In other words, if someone calls us a name and it hurts us, it means that we might have a blind spot where we might lack awareness about our own character and find we’re not in control of the opinion we hold. When such a comment is made, we are not sure enough within ourselves or confident enough about ourselves to be able to dismiss it.

I have found that when people take a step back from such an incident where a judgement or a comment has caused triggering of some internal emotion, usually what emerges is the fact that they have noticed that they are not where they want to be in a specific area of life and have a sensitivity to comments from others about this. It’s usually because they have not put enough effort into achieving that goal.


Self-Knowledge is The Source of Wisdom!

Are you getting deeper in your self-knowledge, challenging your comfort zones, and engaging in growth? Are you tapped into other people’s worlds? Many people do this to avoid their own. Or maybe you are heavily involved in a digital world online where you spend a lot of your energy.

Whichever the case might be, if any of these things are the case for you and you have been ignoring what matters most to you, the issue of external judgements and what others think about you comes to the surface. Others’ opinions have more power perhaps because the ground you stand upon is already shaky.

It is our responsibility to make the ground we stand upon as firm as it can be. We do this by knowing ourselves, our values, what is important to us, and what we are willing to stand for and pursue in our lives. This is how we achieve wisdom.

If we give more weight to a stranger’s view of us than our own self-perception, it indicates that we lack self-awareness. People who truly know themselves and their place in the world wouldn’t let someone else define their reality.


Become The King/Queen of Your Castle!

The reality is that they don’t. When we are living in congruence with our values and our purpose, it doesn’t matter if outsiders disapprove. We internally derive validation for our life and how we are living. You get to decide to give yourself permission for who you are and how you live. Are you pursuing validation from people other than yourself? If it’s not really getting you excited internally, tread carefully. That strategy will likely burn itself out quickly and prove unsustainable.

The only person you should be living for is you! What is important, your values and hierarchies of values can only be known through self-exploration. Successful people master this through self-exploration. They get very clear on what they want to achieve. They tend to pursue the things they’re motivated by. In doing that, they’re rarely ever interested in those outside their circle of interest. People saying things perceived as negative judgments just don’t matter to them.

Lean into your own definition and let people be free to think what they want about you!

Because really, who cares what they say?


I am a Freedom Coach and Mentor – I help freedom-loving people in early/mid-career create a Successful Mindset. If you would like to explore some of these themes and move towards achieving more freedom this year, let’s connect and set up a call.

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