09 Apr Wake Up & Get Real: How Hidden Trauma Runs Your Life
Guys, let’s cut the crap. If you’re reading this, there’s a decent chance you’re stuck, spinning your wheels in a life that feels like a hamster cage instead of the epic adventure you secretly crave.
Maybe you’re the “nice guy” who bends over backwards for everyone but still ends up alone, pissed off, or broke.
Maybe you’ve got a gnawing emptiness you can’t name, and you’re numbing it with beer, porn, or endless scrolling.
Netflix’s ‘Adolescence’ has the political classes obsessed with toxic masculinity, but that’s a shiny distraction, your real enemy is the wiring from your past, not some buzzword.
Here’s the truth: the way you’re wired, ‘your attachments’, your habits, your unprocessed baggage or whatever the world of psychobabble wants to call it, is holding you back.
But you can change it.
Three books, 1. John Bowlby’s ‘The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds’, 2. Robert Glover’s ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’, and Gabor Maté’s ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts’drop some brutal, liberating wisdom that’ll make you rethink everything.
Ready to man up and grab the life you want? Let’s dive in.
Bowlby: The Roots of our Weakness
John Bowlby wasn’t some soft-hearted shrink, he was a hard-nosed scientist who figured out that the bonds you formed as a kid shaped who you are now.
In his book ‘The Making and Breaking of Affectional Bonds’, he says humans are hardwired to attach to moms, dads, whoever’s there because survival depends on it. If your caregiver was solid, you got a “secure base” to launch from.
If they were flaky, distant, or gone, you’re probably lugging around an “insecure attachment”, anxiety, clinginess, or a cold wall nobody gets past. Sound familiar?
That little boy who begged for love and got ignored might still be running your show, making you chase approval or dodge rejection like it’s life or death. Bowlby’s point: those early breaks in connection don’t just fade, they fester. And if you don’t face them, they’ll keep you small.
Glover: The Nice Guy Trap
Enter Robert Glover’s ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’. This book’s a slap in the face for every dude who thinks being “nice” is the golden ticket. Spoiler: it’s not.
Glover says nice guys, those people-pleasers who say “yes” when they mean “no,” who hide their needs to avoid conflict aren’t noble. They’re scared. And guess what? That fear ties straight back to Bowlby’s insecure attachment.
If you grew up unsure of love, you might’ve learned to manipulate it, be the good boy, never rock the boat, or trade your spine for a pat on the head.
Glover calls BS on that. He says nice guys secretly resent the world, sabotage themselves, and miss out on real connections because they’re too busy playing safe.
The fix? Stop hiding. Own your wants. Risk pissing people off. That’s where the juice of life is.
Maté: The Ghosts You’re Running From
Now, Gabor Maté’s ‘In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts’ brings the heavy artillery.
He’s talking addiction, drugs, work, sex, whatever, but it’s deeper than that.
Maté says we’re all haunted by “hungry ghosts,” those empty spots where love, safety, or meaning should’ve been.
Just as Bowlby said: if your early bonds broke, you’ve got a hole.
And as Glover says: nice guys stuff that hole with approval-seeking instead of facing it.
Maté’s blunt-trauma isn’t just war or abuse; it’s the quiet neglect, the parents too busy or too broken to see you.
That pain doesn’t vanish; it drives you to numb out or chase fixes that never last.
The kicker? You can’t outrun it. But you can turn around and fight it.
The Man You Could Be
Here’s where it gets real, fellas. These books aren’t just theories, they’re a mirror.
Are you the guy who’s still kissing ass because some part of you thinks love’s a transaction?
Are you dodging your demons with distractions while the life you want slips away?
Bowlby says your past wired you, but it doesn’t own you. Glover says quit being a doormat and take what’s yours. Maté says heal the wound, not the symptom.
Together, they’re a roadmap: face the attachment crap that shaped you, ditch the nice guy act, and process the trauma you’ve been pretending isn’t there.
Imagine this: a life where you’re not apologizing for existing, where you say what you mean, where you’re not chained to old ghosts.
It’s not about being an asshole, it’s about being you, raw and unfiltered.
Start small. Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? What do I really want? Then act on it.
Talk to a buddy, a shrink, a coach (preferably me) or just sit with the ugly stuff till it loses its grip.
These books prove you’ve got the power to rewire your paradigm and build something badass.
So what’s it gonna be, man? Stay stuck, or step up and claim your shot?
I am a Freedom Coach and Mentor – I help freedom-loving people create a Successful Mindset. If you would like to explore some of these themes and move towards achieving more freedom and clarity, let’s connect and set up a call below