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What I Have Learned By Turning 40!

I always wondered what this ‘midlife crisis’ stuff was about.

“Will I KNOW it, when I hit it?” I’d vaguely consider. *Cue comical biting at my nails*

As I turned 40 two days ago, I am coming to the conclusion that people who experience this must be lacking some kind of self-awareness.. 40 doesn’t just come and smack you in the face and force you in an invasion-of-the-body-snatchers-worthy manner to go buy the nearest sports car, in red.

So where’s the line between the crisis and the calm of entering my fourth decade?

Image by Bessi from Pixabay


I know myself well enough to overcome any challenge life throws at me at this stage. I’ve seen my insides and championed through the weird parts. 

One of the main crises I’ve overcome, apart from my drug-taking years’ exploits – go read the story.. I’ll wait..

Was the pivotal career decision I made at 30 years old. 

The decision to leave my oh-so-stable career and to crawl towards my coaching dream of helping people live life to the maximum! 

I had a colourful life, (see, the drug story)

and I’d consider myself fairly worldly-wise at this stage. 

But this 40 label is seen as negative by many people and I am just not buying it. 

I view my life as still very much beginning.

I don’t have children. I know that for some women, hitting this age can be a tough milestone if they want children but have not found an appropriate partner yet. I don’t have children in my forward-thinking (maybe that’s why the red sports car body snatchers left me alone?) 

I’m still enjoying the greatest romantic relationship of my life (13 years strong). This year, we are looking forward to travelling and living somewhere new. Location freedom will be a big theme this decade.

Good ol’ Ireland. I’ll miss it for sure. The quirks, my family and my people. But internet communication brings us closer than ever and I’m sure I will be back (to visit my friends’ dogs, mostly). 

I am looking forward to seeing how other people live, possibly learn a new language and make new friends and make a bigger impact outside of my birthplace. 

My business is going really well. Last year was a fantastic year for me both financially and with regards to a noticeable impact on those I help. I increased my impact and improved the service I provide to the amazing souls who use my coaching and go through my programmes.

So at this milestone of my life, I can safely say that I am incredibly happy about where I find my life and business moving. I will be shifting towards creating more exclusive group offers for people who want to take their lives to the next level as I get more particular about how I offer my time.

So turning 40, what lessons have I acquired that I can share with those with less grey hairs?

(just kidding, I don’t have any hair)

Here’s a few:


  1. Stop caring about how you look! Really, even when you are younger, this matters less than most people think. If you are clean and keep your hair (if you have any) tidy, you’ll be fine. Nobody cares what label you wear and if they do and you only care because they care, you need to reconsider what your values are in life. So many people fall down and care what people think about their appearance and end up treating themselves badly because they don’t look a certain way. These standards some people place upon themselves are harmful and unnecessary. If you have a healthy beating heart and a brain, you’re good! The rest only matters if you let it.
  2. Stop caring about what other people think about you! If you are choosing to care about what other people think about you, it tells me a couple of things about you. The first thing is that you are leaking from where your source of power comes from and giving it to other people. Please, get to work finding the leak and deciding what you are going to do about it! Secondly, other people don’t know what is in your best interests. You are the only person who can ever truly decide that with emotional certainty. You need to own that. When you do, your life will radically change for the better and allow you to become more responsible for your decisions and ease off from caring what others think about you and what you are doing in your life.
  3. Getting older doesn’t need to be scary if you are living the life you want. Getting older is only scary for people who are not satisfied or who are not living the life that they want. Perhaps they have crappy relationships that don’t elevate them to become the person they want to be. Perhaps they are not performing to their capabilities and have some regrets about the career they find themselves in. Whatever the issue, the people who are 40+ and happy have ticked the important boxes of life and have found their version of bliss and don’t resent each passing birthday. I fucking love getting older because I value wisdom and know the life I am living is providing me bag loads of wisdom!
  4. You need to sing more! Well for me, I like to sing and play my guitar and it really does allow me to feel amazing. I recommend that you do whatever helps you feel your bliss and do it often. For me, nothing beats, sitting down and learning a new song. Occasionally, a sing-along with friends and family is a special time to experience.
  5. Getting up earlier is much better than staying up later. It was late in my 30s when I realised this but it is a game-changer that I recommend young people get into the habit of immediately. You are wasting so much of your time by stealing your tomorrow by staying up too late today. Go to fucking bed, you are not missing anything staying up to watch bullshit tv or ‘one more’ YouTube clip!

If you feel a bit lost about how to begin to integrate what I have said here into your life, get in touch. I love hearing from you guys and answering your nuanced questions.

Feel free to email rob@robduffy4coach.com and ask me any questions you have!

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