05 Apr The Key to Regaining Your Natural Confidence
Confidence is often seen as something that can be gained or lost, but this is a misnomer. The truth is that confidence is the default state. We are born with a natural sense of self-assurance. As we grow up and experience adverse childhood experiences, trauma, and negative social conditioning, we tend to learn to avoid certain things, people, events, and environments due to the insecurities that develop.
The Impact of Trauma on Confidence
Letting go of these sorts of insecurities is the behaviour of someone moving towards confidence. However, this can be challenging when we’ve internalised certain feelings from trauma, such as emotional scars from being mocked or belittled. These experiences can lead to a lack of self-confidence that can be difficult to overcome.
Unlearning Insecurities
Unlearning insecurity is a process that involves reexamining the traumatic events and identifying the core beliefs that were formed as a result. Often, the more powerful the emotional charge of the traumatic experience, the more embedded these beliefs become. In many cases, the beliefs that we internalise are totally irrational upon analysis.
Samskaras and Coaching
Samskaras, or the mental impressions left by past experiences, can linger and influence our thoughts and behaviors for years to come. This is where coaching can be incredibly helpful. Coaching can help us reflect on our past experiences and identify how and why we formed certain beliefs.
Reframing Beliefs for Confidence
Once we’ve identified our core beliefs, we can work on reframing them. How? By using our new understanding to engage in new, more positive behaviors and thoughts. This process involves asking ourselves questions like “What did I feel in the traumatic moment?” and “What beliefs did I automatically inherit about myself that wasn’t self-serving or useful?” The magic phrase to ask is, “What is a more appropriate, empowering, or self-serving conclusion that I could have come to instead?”
The Challenging Process and Relief
This process can be challenging, and it’s common to feel awful initially. However, as we begin to reframe our beliefs, we may experience a great sense of relief as we realize that we’ve needlessly carried around harmful beliefs for years.
Crying and Emoting
The process of crying and emoting strongly can also help take the power away from the original belief. When we learn to pause and raise our awareness of these thoughts when they happen in the moment, we can begin to notice and process these events. Usually, these are echoes or reverberations of past traumas and events that are stored in our minds unconsciously.
Over time, the power of these thoughts and emotions subside. We can then begin to return to our default state of confidence. By unlearning the insecurities that have been holding us back, we can regain our natural sense of self-assurance and self-confidence.
In summary, I believe gaining confidence is a misnomer. We don’t gain confidence; we unlearn the insecurities and negative beliefs that have been holding us back. By examining our past experiences, identifying core beliefs, and reframing them, we can move towards a more positive and self-assured future. With time and effort, we can let go of our emotional scars and regain our natural state of confidence.
I am a Freedom Coach and Mentor – I mostly help freedom-loving people in their early/mid-career create a Successful Mindset and bring more freedom to their lives. If you would like to explore some of these themes and move towards achieving more freedom this year, let’s connect and set up a call.